Monday, January 30, 2012

Uninvited:Test Your Etiquette

Every bride has been faced with some sort of etiquette challenge at one point or another. Handling it is half the battle, but tackling it appropriately is quite another. So what is a bride to do when someone actually RSPVs to a wedding they weren't originially invited to? We've got you covered!

First: don't dodge

Clearly, there's been a misunderstanding. There are very few people who are rude enough that they bully their way into your wedding by RSVPing when they weren't invited. Not saying that there aren't folks like that, of course — but chances are pretty good that somehow this person really did think they were invited, likely because of something a family member or friend said to them.

The worst thing you can do when there's been a misunderstanding is propagate it by not being up-front in how you deal with it. Yes, it's going to suck, but you can't put it off. When you hear from Aunt Madge that she's coming to the wedding you didn't invite her to, you need to address the situation quickly and directly. Don't put it off, and don't use platitudes.

Second: stand your ground

Be genuine, but be firm. Here's an example of something you could say:

"Oh, no! I'm so sorry: there's clearly been a miscommunication. Due to budget/venue size/whatever limitations, we're keeping the guestlist quite small. This means we just can't invite everyone we'd like, as much as we'd love to — we do not have room for you on the guestlist. I'm so terribly sorry that we can't extend an invitation, and even more sorry about this miscommunication. I hope you can understand."

You can also try genuinely expressing your surprise. Own up the awkwardness of the situation, while also standing firm: THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.

"Oh my goodness, this is catching me off-guard! This is awkward and difficult, and I'm so sorry to have to say this, but we don't have space on our limited guestlist for all the family and friends we'd love to have there — we aren't able to invite you to the wedding. I'm so sorry — I feel just awful about this situation, and I wish there's something I could do, but the venue size/catering arrangements/whatever are fixed, and I'm afraid it's just not going to work. I hope you can understand."

Third: be gracious and appreciative

Remember that these people want to come to your wedding because, well, THEY PROBABLY LOVE YOU. Sure, sometimes there are weird family power dynamics at play that have nothing to do with you, but ultimately, these people are people who care about you — and who presumably you care about, too.
Find as many ways as possible to be loving, appreciative, and gracious in your conversation. Repeating, "It means so much to both of us that you want to be at the wedding" and "It's so disappointing that this won't work out — I'm so glad you got in touch" can go a long way towards softening the blow of what boils down to, "You can't come."

*Have you ever had to tell someone that they weren't invited to your wedding? How did you do it and how did the "uninvited" take it?

The Emily Weddings Team

Article courtesy of: Offbeat Bride

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